reflection
by ShiningThroughTheRain39
Summary: Rain, Lyra's dorm-mate, has more to her life than it seems... lyra will play a bigger part in this later, i promise. R - for almost cutting, implied rape ... please read it!
1. Default Chapter

Her eyes wandered over marble floors, their colors swirling mists into the gray and white. The only thing that mattered was in her hands.

The sharp glint of metal reflected off her dark eyes, seemingly oblivious to what was happening around her. Through the door shouts came through, reverberating off

the walls.

Dame Hannah seemed to be annoyed, Rain thought. Attacks on her responsibility, her carelessness, and her lack of self-worth were echoing in Rain's ears, though she

only heard an echo. Her mind was focused on the blades. _she doesnt know, she calls me careless. in all her care, she never noticed once what was going on. _

_won't she just shut up?? _angry tears dashed at the corners of her eyes, daring to overflow. _Should I?? _She wanted the pain so badly. To feel the blood coming, and

temporarily forget the past. but her daemon thought otherwise.

ignoring the yells, and finally the agitated stomp away from the small bathroom where they sat, a black cat with piercing blue eyes nuzzled Rain's wrist, and tried to push

the sharp scissors away. _You don't have to do this -- think of what Lyra would say if she found out, you promised to stop this..._ Rain gave in. she stood up, slightly

dizzy, and with the cat watching closely, stuck the scissors back in the drawer. She took one last look around the little white bathroom, and crept down the hall and

crawled into bed, feeling the warmth of rough cotton against her skin, careful not to wake her soundly sleeping roomate Lyra, in the other corner of the large dorm room

they shared at Dame Hannah's.

"Garreth?" she whispered into the darkness. She felt his lithe form jump onto the bed and curl up near her head, sending words of love into her mind, as she drifted off to

sleep.

_flashback_

A boy was towering over a small girl, with dark hair and eyes that held innocence. _well, he would fix that. _In the corner of the stark white room, with a rainbow fan

slowly turning overhead, was an even smaller blond haired boy, looking as if he had been betrayed over and over again, and had turned immune to emotion. He watched

as the older boy, dressed in black, his large ugly warthog daemon urging him on, cornered the little girl and said some words to her. reluctantely it seemed, she shrugged

off the clothing she was wearing and looked up at the boy as if to ask, _whats going to happen now? _Suddenly, she was being pushed down on the small bed in the

room. "_Get down_." he growled at her. "Baruke! get over here!" the smaller boy came closer, still with a blank, unseeing look spread across his face. The older boy's

face contorted into an evil smile, and his dark, endless black eyes narrowed, in an expression that could only be read as pure want of something wrong, something evil,

as he leered over the bed....

and suddenly, everything went black....

_end flashback_

making little whimpers of distress, Rain and her daemon shivered slightly...and she stopped seeing the past, and started to dream...

_she was walking into a coffee house with some school friends. it smelled of dough and pizza, and while her friends ordered, she stayed back, in the corner. _

_suddenly, she remembered something she had fogotten, at home. as she walked out the door, for some reason not telling her friends where she was going, the _

_world swirled into mist and a hand clamped over her mouth...._

_she looked up, and the man was shoveling dirt over a large black pit, where she lay. she looked around and screamed, it iwas full of women and girls, some _

_dead and decaying, some alive and writhing, in this true eternal hell...._

She awoke with a start, sweating and shaking. _you're Rain .... you go to Dame Hannah's....your daemon's name is Garreth...ur alive and well, it was just a _

_dream....just a dream.... _she looked up and saw the white scars that ligned her wrist, seeming even whiter, in the moonlight shadows coming from a solitary window

above her bed. Garreth gave a small _mew.._ full of sadness, and she hugged him closer, and closed her eyes, and tried to think of better things...

a/n: review....review....please review???!! tell me what u think, even if what u think is that its a piece of crap : )


	2. Flood

Chapter 2

And suddenly, it was weekend. The people passed through Rain's life like ghosts on Saturday, hanging out with many friends from school and making meaningless chatter. But the day wasn't meaningless, oh no.

She was hanging with her friends, when Rain suddenly remembered she had class. "oh crap! Garreth why didn't you remember?? You're supposed to be the responsible one!" she said, picking up the agile black cat and running into the old brick building, late into her class. She tuned out, sitting at a small desk with Garreth in her lap, day dreaming about some things that were finally, not related to her memories. Suddenly she looked up. The teacher in the small room was picking people to participate , and at that moment, she was having an argument with a small defiant girl, who was hot-headed enough to argue. Rain heard an unmistakable saying once again. "Well, if you don't want to participate, you have to sit and watch!" the teacher finally gave up.

But something was wrong. Rain's stomach jerked. Her mind was dragging her back in…she could hear His voice. She could see him standing in front of her, telling her to get down on her knees…she could hear herself arguing, she could…NO! garret's thoughts invaded her mind. Not now! Not this! We can fight this! Mind fought memory, and with conscious energy, Rain reached for her wrist and and pulled the band around it as hard as she could. The pain brought her back to the small classroom, were the ones around her were whispering. She realized she had missed everything in class. But that wasn't the most important thing. She hugged Garreth tightly. "thank you.." she managed to whisper, her breathing fast and strained. "Can't think of that now Rain, pay attention." Garreth said sternly, and she did as she was told, and pushed all her thoughts away for the moment to see the _interesting _lesson going on at the front of the class.

_Bringg_… The bell rang, and Rain was glad. The only class left that day was over with, and she couldn't be more relieved. She crossed campus to her dormitory, vaguely aware of the ones around her. Almost to the door, thinking about how she just needed some sleep, she ran into the one person she did not want to see. It was His brother. "hey!" he said. _damn…_she thought. "whata's up?" he instantly replied. "nothing…you?" she said, now resigned to conversation. "I'm hungry. FEED ME!" he joked. "uh…okay..if I had an orange, you could have it." she said. "I don't like oranges! Besides, if you threw an orange at me, I'd come to your room and find you and kill you." "what?" she said, suddenly afraid of this man who was sounding so much like his brother. "and if you tried to hurt me, I'd kick you harder." he said. She couldn't believe what she was hearing…her friend, the one that was there when she was being abused, always there for her. And then she remembered.

For the second time that day, her stomach convulsed and the memories overpowered her. Seeing Him, Him coercing his brother to…she remembered being held down on the bed…Him, yelling at his brother…telling his brother what to do…no…please no… She had forgotten. She had forgotten the things He had tricked his brother into doing. The things his brother did to her willingly. The reason he was there during all of it. Her mind was reeling. Going faster and faster, like a car heading for a wall of stone, a million miles an hour all at once. "I HAVE TO GO!" she exclaimed and ran as fast as she could into her building, tearing up the stairs with Garreth at her heels.

The mind block for these memories that she kept in place for so many years was slowly breaking, the memories flooding out like tsunamis. Her head was still rushing, turning about, as she went into the bathroom and picked up her sharpest razor with a shaking hand. The wall was breaking…memories coming, "no more…no more.." she softly cried, and took the razor and cut against her skin. Her breathing slowed, the flood of memories stopped. She sat calmly, looking at the blood running down her forearm, and shook her head sadly.

Two cuts was all she made. It was enough. Put anti-infection solution on, and band aids, and walked out, the guilt in her mind fresh, knowing all the promises she had just broken. The memories weren't gone though, just at bay for a while, she needed to talk to someone, and as an answer almost, her friend Chris showed up.

They talked for at least an hour, until almost midnight when they parted ways. It helped immensely though, Garreth thought to Rain, being able to talk. _yea…_she thought tiredly, and promptly collapsed on the bed, falling into a relievingly dreamless sleep.


End file.
